I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
