note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
