I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
