sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
