Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
