I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
