There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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