Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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