Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
