He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
