I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
