I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
that may or may not have been my penis.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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