He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
