I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
