the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
