Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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