New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
