So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
