the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
