i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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