My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
