I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
