the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
