Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
