I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
