Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
