think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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