She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
