When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
