and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Your cock deserves a montage
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
