its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and she was petting her beer can
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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