And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
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his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's get the cat blown out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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