Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
