I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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