moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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