oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
