Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to sanitize my soul.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
