I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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