i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
