It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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