so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didn't notice because vodka
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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