Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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