at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
