Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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