Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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