she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
