i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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