Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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