I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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