Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
