Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
