I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
