how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
