just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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