The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
