Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
