hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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