I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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