She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
