just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
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I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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