using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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