six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
