We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
