I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
