I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize