Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
