omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
