Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
