just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
