i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
