why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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