I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
