apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
