college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
