marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
