shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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