i will never coherently bang her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
