Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
