4 words: hood of his car
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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