I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
