You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
